She's giving out her phone number.

My sweet, beautiful, almost-3-year-old daughter is already giving out her phone number. And, to older men.

True, it's not a real phone. And true, it's not a real number, but still.

She and Luke went to the vet's office this morning because Lucy, the Golden Retriever, won't quit scratching her hair all over the house. While they were there, EGR told Dr. Parker all about her "new" cell phone that she got for Christmas. (Short aside: The fact that she even talks to a man, whom she sees only every few months, is enough to make me raise my eyebrows. But, Dr. Parker is a cutie, and he's very good with the kiddos.) She put her phone away in Grandmother's purse, and then Dr. Parker asked her if he could have her number. She went digging in Grandmother's purse, saying she had to find her number. Later, as they were leaving, Dr. Parker told Grandmother to give him a call in reference to something with Lucy, and Ella responded with, "Okay, I will."

Fast forward a few hours to my midday chat with Ella over the phone. She was asking me the normal barrage of questions, and in a brief pause I said, "I heard you gave Dr. Parker your cell phone number." Silence. She never said another word to me. Grandmother said she hid her face. I think she might have a crush on the good doctor. (So do I, but don't tell my husband.)

A New Stack of Books

The Amazon Fairy (deliverer of Amazon.com orders, not an oversized fairy) left a new stack of books on my front porch this week, and I’m itchin’ to tear into them. BUT, I’m already in the middle of two books so I really need to finish one of them first.

I’m nearing the end of Playful Parenting, by Lawrence J. Cohen, which discusses how children learn and process their world through play. After watching Ella, and now Luke, play through their worlds since birth, this isn’t news to me, but it is very insightful and it offers a lot of good ideas for using play to connect with children and overcome troubling behaviors, power struggles, etc. It also explains a lot of psychology behind how children think and why they behave in certain ways. I read one of the most enlightening passages just this morning. It made me say, “Yes! This!” (And, then I marked it in pen with an exclamation point and folded the page a la 12th grade English class.)

“Oddly, even though children demand so much attention from us, they often tune us out when we finally put everything else aside and get on the floor to play with them. This can be confusing and even annoying, but it actually makes perfect sense. They are feeling locked away in the tower of isolation. And they are a bit mad at us for that. When we give them our full attention, they show us what’s going on in their hearts. They don’t say it in words, they say it in play, by pretending we don’t exist or don’t matter. When we were busy, they felt as if they didn’t matter to us. So don’t give up or walk away; be persistent. Our job is to take the initiative and push (gently) for a connection.”

This particular passage is in the context of taking the lead in play with children, and it was an epiphany for me because it’s one of the most frustrating things about my daughter during times when we are clashing – or disconnected, as the case may be. “Tower of isolation” is a term he uses throughout the book to describe the emotional place a child gets into when he is disconnected from parents/caregivers. It’s an easy read, and I’d like to finish it before I switch topics all together with my new stack. I also have one other parenting book that I haven’t started (Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, by Naomi Aldort), but I’m putting it on hold for the present.

The new stack is the beginning of a library of resources that includes the following titles.

The Doula Book: How a Trained Labor Companion Can Help You Have A Shorter, Easier, And Healthier Birth, by Marshall H. Klaus, et al

The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers: The Most Comprehensive Problem-Solving Guide to Breastfeeding from the Foremost Expert in North America, by Jack Newman M.D. and Teresa Pitman

Gentle Birth Choices, by Barbara Harper and Suzanne Arms

Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn (4th Edition): The Complete Guide, by Penny Simkin, et al

I’ll start with The Doula Book, reading with pen in hand, and decide where to go from there. My sister and brother-in-law, Nathan, are giving me the honor of attending the birth of my nephew as a support person, so I’m doing what I always do – reading everything I can get my hands on about the topic.

I didn’t hire a doula for either of my deliveries but as I read more about the role of a doula, I realize that I was surrounded with them. Both of my mothers and my sister were around me in the days and weeks following my children’s births, helping me and Dave with whatever things needed doing. Even my sister-in-law, Jessica, unexpectedly stepped into the role when she ended up alone with me in my hospital room the night Luke was born. And thank God for her, because I don’t know what I would have done if I’d been completely alone in the room, holding my baby skin-to-skin, unable to bend at the middle, when that first horrible wave of nausea hit me. Her presence alone helped me breathe through it so as not to vomit on my newborn or rip out my fresh stitching, but she was standing ready with a cold rag and a bowl for me to puke in – not blinking an eye. Bless her. I love that woman.

I’m so excited to step into the same role for my sister. In addition to plain old help with whatever needs doing, I want to be educated enough to help her and Nathan make decisions regarding their care during the birth and weeks following. I also want to be able to help her troubleshoot any issues that might come up in her nursing relationship with Jake because I know that is really important to her.

I am passionate about birth and breastfeeding, mothers and babies, and I’m so excited about the opportunity to put my passion and my knowledge to work.

More Heartstopping Parenting

Thankfully, we didn't have to go to the ER, but there were a few very long minutes when I didn't know.

Luke, Master of the Universe, attempted to crawl down the stairs last night. It didn't go well. Dave had just brought him in from outside and left him standing at the front door, banging to get out. I was in the kitchen doing the usual bag packing, bottle making, supper, and general organization of just-home-from-work chaos. I had my eyes on Luke, standing at the door, trying to get out when Dave ran down the stairs to get something. Ella wanted to go with him, so he ran back up and opened the gate for her. Luke was still standing at the front door...until he wasn't.

I glanced down at whatever I was doing, and then I heard BUMP. BUMP. My brain caught up with the situation at hand just as he started crying. I was already running accross the room, saying "The gate! The gate! It's open!" Dave was running up the stairs as I was running down them, and we met on the landing where Luke was lying on his back, screaming. He scooped him up and handed him to me, and I ran back up the stairs to the couch. I tried to look for bumps or scrapes or broken limbs, but he was crying too hard, so I nursed him for a couple of minutes to help him calm down. When he popped off and sat up,  he was ready to go again, reaching for Dave to take him somewhere. There were no lumps or bumps or bruises. He did not even have a carpet burn.

He apparently watched Ella go down the stairs and decided to follow her. The gate was open because Dave always goes first in case Ella falls going down, so he didn't close it behind her. And, we just aren't in the habit of closing it every time we run up and down since Ella navigates them so proficiently now. On top of those things, Luke crawls faster than the speed of light, and he's very quiet when he's on a mission. We are chalking this up to a lesson learned. He's been to the chiropractor this morning to put him back to rights.

I think we need to baby proof to the point of tying the furniture to the walls. This is a whole new ballgame. The only things we did for Ella were cover the outlets, put latches on the medicine/chemical cabinets, and make sure all baby-windpipe-sized objects were out of her reach. She required very little babyproofing. She was content to sit in one spot and intensely study the things around her, then put them in her mouth. Luke's style is more drive-by, mouth it, bang it, move on to the next thing - in stealth mode.

We already know he can climb, and I've already caught him standing in Ella's rocking chair. He's started taking a couple of unassisted steps, and he's been practicing standing up without holding on to things. He's also taken to carrying his cup around with him, though he's not drinking milk from it all the time yet. I'll be so glad when I can get rid of the bottles!

He has a few words: Ella, Mama, Dada, all done, hey, bye. He signs "milk," and he understands the signs for "all done", "diaper change", "eat", "more", "cup", "please." He understands a lot of what we say to him, and between signs, words, and body language, he communicates very effectively for a 9 month old. Unlike Ella, he said "mama" before he said "dada." Dave has been prompting him to say Dada, but he's been resistant until this past week. The first time he said it, Dave wasn't in the room, so had the absolute joy of relating the story to him. Luke was crawling around the living room, and he made his way to the ottoman and stood up to play with the remote controls, like he always does. He found something new there - a can of Skoal. Immediately, he picked it up and waved it around in his little, baby fist and said, "Dada!" "Dada!"

UPDATED: At his 9-month check up, Luke measured 29 inches long and weighed 18 lbs and 1 ounce. That puts him in the 75-90% for height and the 10-25% for weight - long and lean!

The EGR Update
She's struggling right now with some yucky drainage and a cough, thanks to her weed/tree allergy. I'm being a bad mother and refusing to take her to the doctor for another round of antibiotics until it just becomes unavoidable because that just sets off a whole other cycle of illness to deal with . Thus, she woke up coughing, with snot in her throat this morning and she told me in her sweet voice, in between coughs, "I think I just choked on something." Poor kid. She's also been to the chiropractor this morning for some work on her sinuses.

Yesterday, she was having an imaginary phone conversation about a tree limb that fell and she kept using the word "stupid." I asked her if she knew what that meant. She said yes. I asked her to tell me, and she told me to say it. I said, "I know what it means, I want you to use your words to tell me what it means." She thought hard and said, "Mama, give me a favor and tell me what it means." (I frequently ask her to do me a favor.) I told her it meant that something wasn't smart and it's not a nice thing to say about someone or something.

She continues to amaze and confound me. She'll be three soon. Some days I wonder where the time has gone and others I feel like she's turning 13 instead of 3.

Tornado Relief: "An Elephant Never Forgets"

Here it is: the post I’ve been stewing over since the day tornados wreaked unholy havoc on Central Alabama. Thankfully, our area was spared, but we spent several hours in our basement that night, and many, many hours in the following days, watching footage of the devastation.
The following morning, I learned that a pod of my extended family that lived in Pleasant Grove had not been heard from, so I spent several hours trying to track them down via their neighbors over The Mighty Facebook. We found the 80-something year old great-aunt, who finally made contact with her sister. She had managed to climb out of the wreckage of her house, and find out that her immediate family down the street was all alive, though some were hospitalized with injuries.

In the following days, Dave and I debated and debated over how we could best help the relief efforts, feeling that we should absolutely do something. Volunteering our time and bodies was not really an option with two young children, so we opted for making a donation. Knowing that one of my favorite places would be doing something disaster-relief related, we waited until we did our regular Saturday shopping to make a final decision of how/what to donate. While at the checkout counter at Publix, debit card in hand, the cashier asked if we’d like to make a donation to the Red Cross. We looked at each other, knowing the pre-determined amount we’d decided on, nodded, and told the cashier to ring it up. It showed up on the receipt as “Southern Storms.” It was that easy.

In the following weeks, I learned of a newborn baby (a cousin of my brother’s girlfriend’s sorority sister – did you follow that?) who was in need. The baby was two weeks old when the storm completely leveled the area where he lived and killed his mother. He is in the care of his grandmother, and he needs things. I happily loaded up a bag of newborn – 3 month sized clothes, an infant tub, baby soap, washcloths, and towels to send his way. I offered a portion of my ever-growing stash of frozen Mommy milk, but by that time he was already taking formula. He was a nursling for the first two weeks of his life (that made my heart hurt just a little bit more).

All of these were ways I felt like I could do something to help someone who’d lost everything.

This tragedy is a long way from over for these families, and there are still things you can do to help. I am once again appealing to your benevolent hearts to make a donation (as you feel led, of course) to help someone. This time there’s something (tangible) in it for you!

Once I returned to the office and life there got back to some sort of normal, one of my co-workers called me to her desk one morning to show me something. Never knowing how that scenario is going to go down, I was shocked and moved when she showed me this.

It’s a charcoal sketch (Much better in person, I’ve seen the original!) done by another of our co-workers, Holly. She’s an artist. A real one. I’m not sure why she works where I do. She says she just started sketching in the time following the tornado, and this is what came out of her. She decided she wanted to do something with it to raise money for tornado relief in Tuscaloosa. She considered donating it to the University to auction, but decided she could raise more money if she sold prints. I told her to let me know when she had all the details worked out because I know all kinds of Bama fans that will need one of these for their man caves, Alabama rooms, spouses, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers, etc. All proceeds from the sale of the prints will go to Hands on Birmingham, Disaster Relief of West Alabama, and T-Town Paws.

UPDATED: If you want a print of “An Elephant Never Forgets”, email Tornadoreliefinalabama@gmail.com.
11 x 14 print - $25

18 x 24 print - $50

T-shirts are also a possibility, but the details of that are still in the works. Prices include shipping.

If you Facebook, check out her page: Tornado Relief in Alabama.

UPDATED: Also, check out the website: An Elephant Never Forgets.
UPDATED AGAIN: To say that Holly's website now has a PayPal link so you can truly order online!

0 for 2 in the 'Protect the Children from Harm' Category

Within a matter of minutes yesterday, I managed to physically hurt both of my children while we played in the yard. I let the little one roll off of my lap and bang his head on a hard toy. His heart was broken. Luckily, his head was not.

Then I threw the ball for Georgia and hit Ella square in the forehead with it. I still cannot fathom how I misjudged the angle so badly. She didn't walk in front of it; I just have really bad aim. It hit her so hard, I was shocked that it didn't knock her down. Her neck snapped back, and of course there were instant tears, but she recovered fairly quickly since she had a legitimate reason to use the Frosty Bear. At bedtime last night, I apologized again for hitting her with it, and she said, "It's okay now, Mommy."

It ranked right up there with pinching her chunky, baby thighs in the carseat buckle, and it made me feel just like a horse's behind.

A Lesson in Human Indecisiveness

The lesson? Humans are indecisive from birth.

The proof? A highly scientific, impromptu experiment conducted last night at bedtime.

Let me set the scene.

Ella and Luke were both very tired after bath. Generally, I nurse Luke and put him to bed before I settle into Ella's bed to read to her. Last night, she was ready for books as soon as she got her nightgown on, so I just brought Luke (and his pillow pet and The Magic Blanket) to her bed to nurse while I read. She was lying on her pillow with Panda and Court Dog and their assorted blankets tucked in beside her. I was sitting next to her with Luke lying on the pillow pet, wrapped in his blanket, nursing.

I opened the first book, which happened to be Llama Llama Red Pajama, and started to read. He popped off and looked at the pictures while I read. As I paused before turning the page, he latched back on. When I turned the page, he popped off again and looked/listened while I read. As I paused before turning the next page, he latched back on. He was doing it so consistently that I made Dave stay to watch a full cycle of latch on, turn page, pop off, read, latch on, turn page, pop off. We read the entire book that way. Thankfully, he was too tired to continue like that through the next two books because he was driving me nuts.

As I write this, I wonder, was he really indecisive? Perhaps he just decided to multi-task. One thing's for sure, he is a fan of Llama Llama.

Need to Write

So much has happened in the last week that I feel like I should write something really profound, but I can't find it in me. Yet, I'm still drawn here to write. About something. Anything. Because it's what I do.

Both kids are still sick - Luke with a persistent double ear infection (I feel I've walked this road before..) and Ella with a persistent UTI. Both are on their second rounds of antibiotics. Why do my kids need two round of antibiotics for everything? I also think Luke is cutting some new teeth. Between the drool and the exploding poop, he's creating as much laundry as the entire rest of the family combined.

As seen in my previous post, he can now climb stairs and he's officially crawling, the real way. He also learned to clap over the weekend, and he praises himself and everyone around him often and grandly with his clapping. It's also the thing that gives him away when he sneaks and eats something he's not supposed to have. (Ella always turned her back to us and kicked her feet with excitement.) The clapping is so stinking cute. He also officially says "Mama" now.

I went to a Mother's Day Tea at Ella's school today. She drew a picture of me and wrote some things about me. Some things I knew (my favorite ice cream is chocolate), but others surprised me (I'm 7 years old, my favorite color is pink, and I'm as pretty as her). The picture also looks like I have a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. As I've never smoked anything in my life, I can only assume it's her depiction of me with the oral syringe stuck between my teeth, which she sees all too often with all the medication I adminster to the two of them.

Ella has learned how to use fingernail clippers correctly. I learned this tidbit over the weekend when she was using them to cut my hair. And she really did cut a few chunks of hair before I realized she was using them correctly.

A recent quote that describes our life right now:
"How do you dress this child?" - The pediatrician, when trying to snap Luke's onesie. I sympathized with him because on more than one occasion I've found myself holding him up by the ankles, trying to wipe poop and diaper him. I've even had to call for back up.

Luke's Newest Skill

He had a spotter, but he pretty much did it on his own, in a matter of three minutes. Lunch was the motivation. For the record, he still doesn't really hands-and-knees crawl yet, but that hasn't stopped him. He generally makes a good start on hands and knees, then resorts to the army crawl because it's just faster. He has also already fallen on his face several times after pulling up and then letting go with both hands and taking a step. I keep telling him he should practice balancing first, but apparently he doesn't have time for that. He is one busy little person.

The Easter Bunny: Just Another Load of Hooey

It turns out that when I had misgivings about Ella perceiving Santa as a strange old guy coming into our house, I was spot on. This is the conversation that occurred in our house last night, starting at supper and finally ending at bedtime.

Dave: Ella, do you know what we are going to do Saturday night?
Ella: What?
Dave: We are going to leave a little salad on the table when we go to bed and the Easter Bunny is going to come and eat it.
Me: (in my head) What in the world is he thinking?!
Ella: (thinking hard) Daddy, you're just tricking me!
Laughter, followed by:
Ella: I don't wike Easter Bunnies.
Dave: (laughing) I know you don't.
Then there was more worrying and repeating of salad and Easter Bunny, etc. Fast-forward to bath time.

Ella: I'm going to eat all of the salad so the Easter Bunny can't have any!
Me: You don't have to worry about the Easter Bunny; he's not coming in this house.
Ella: Mommy, I want you to sleep with me all night long so the Easter Bunny doesn't come in.
Me: Dave! Get in here and fix this!
Dave: Ella, do you know what I'm going to do if the Easter Bunny comes in? I'm going to kick him in the bootie.
Me: (in an undertone to Dave) I was thinking more like telling her you made it up and it's not real, not telling her that we will kick animals.

A few minutes later.
Ella: Mommy, I want you to shut the door really tight so the Easter Bunny doesn't come in.
Me: The Easter Bunny isn't real. Daddy was just pretending, just like he was pretending that he had a Wocket in his pocket (also at bedtime; also not appreciated). If you see an Easter Bunny at the store, it's just someone dressed in a costume. There are real bunnies, and people like to look at and talk about bunnies at Easter, but there is no Easter Bunny and no one is coming into our house.

It continued until I finally reminded her that I would come to her or she could come to my bed if she woke up scared during the night. She did. Four times between 9:30 and 1:30, when she finally got in bed with me. She didn't wake up again after that, but she did sleep velcroed to my body. For once, I did not feel bad that there might not be room in the bed for Dave.

Dave did redeem himself at bedtime when I heard him talking to her about Jesus and Heaven. This morning, Ella told me that her memory verse for this week is "Jesus is risen!" I told her that was exactly right, and that's what Easter is all about.

She will get an Easter basket Sunday morning, but she picked it out herself at Target (of all things, she picked the Spiderman basket). She picked out her own chocolate bunny, though she doesn't know that I bought it. We also picked out a basket and some plastic eggs for Luke, and she knows I plan to fill them with Puffs since he can't have chocolate yet. We will dye eggs Saturday morning. She's having a party and an Easter egg hunt at school today. We will go to church Sunday morning - but we do that every week.

While I haven't put as much emphasis on the death and resurrection (yet, becuase she's not even 3) as I did about the birth at Christmas, she does understand that this holiday is about Jesus. So, the Easter Bunny myth has been dispelled, but I expect to spend many more nights reassuring her that no one will be coming into our house.

My Birth Wish List

Eight months removed from Luke’s delivery (!) and with my sister’s pregnancy, I’ve been thinking a lot about birth. I’ve been reading birth stories and research and ACOG statements. It’s a huge interest of mine, and I think I’m on some sort of therapeutic path to heal my hurting soul about the birth that I missed. I’ve been grieving what I missed.

Yes, I am healthy and I have healthy children and I am forever grateful for that. But, yes, I am one of those women to whom the process matters. It matters a lot.

Last night, I was talking to Dave about my frustration with the medical community’s attitude toward birth in this state and the serious lack of options a birthing woman has here. We got on the subject of birth plans, and he asked me about mine. I didn’t even know where it was anymore since it never mattered anyway. He told me I should post it on the blog. I’m still not sure if he was making fun of me, but it got me thinking that it might be good for me to write it out again.

I don’t really like the term “plan” so much because that just seems to beg for something to go awry, so I’m calling mine a wish list. Truly, that’s what it is now, because I’ll likely never have another “birth”.

So, this is my wish list for the fictitious birth I’ll never have.

Labor
I would like to labor in quiet with the lights low and with the freedom to move as I please. Please enter the room quietly and please address me in a quiet voice before touching me.

I would like minimal interruption, so please address as many questions as possible to my support person.

Birth
I would like to push my baby out of my body in the position of my choosing, at my own pace.

I would like to catch the baby myself, so please do not touch me or the baby without asking.

I would like to deliver the placenta without assistance.

After Birth
I would like to hold my baby skin-to-skin and nurse immediately, so please postpone the newborn procedures until I am ready.

I would like to wait until the umbilical cord has stopped pulsing before cutting it.


That’s it. It seems so simple when I write it out.

Randomness

It's been a busy few days with a sick one and a zoo field trip, but the extra time at home let me get some new pictures.

I've been wearing Luke a lot because he hasn't been feeling well, so Ella has been wearing her baby on her back while she works, too. In this picture she's sporting a backpack carrier because it's the most similiar to my Babyhawk, but she also has a sling and a wrap. I don't use a sling because the one-shoulder carry isn't comfortable for me, but she likes hers because it's easy for her to put it on herself.

Here she is resting on her new blanket and pillow after our trip to the zoo. She very nearly put herself to sleep listening to Floyd Cramer while the babies (her students) napped on their nap mats. They nap face down, completely covered so that she has to lift the corner of the blanket to tell them to stop "squirming and wigglwing". Sometimes she has to straighten the blankets if they squirm too much.

This is what we found last night when it was her turn to get pajamas. I always take Luke out of the tub first, dry and diaper him, and leave him in the crib to play. Ella laughed and lauged at him (which he thought was hilarious) and then she asked me, "Do ducks do that?" She meant, do ducks baby-gnaw crib rails, and I told her I didn't know but this one does.

Caught! Playing in Ella's tea things. She still doesn't know, but he loves to sort through her basket of dishes. I'm pretty sure these would be off limits, but she did let him play in the baskets of food from her kitchen yesterday.

I just realized in looking at these pictures that Luke has Dave's eyes; they scrunch up and turn downward at the corners when he smiles.

Fundraising Success!

In my post about the Trike-A-Thon, I said that I would consider it a success if Ella asked one person for money and if she rode her tricycle at the Trike-A-Thon. She did both! I had to help her ask for money, but she did it. Her teacher said she sat on the trike and watched the other kids for a few minutes, but then she rode for about half an hour. She was really excited about it, and even traded trikes with one of her friends for a few minutes! That really surprised me.

Thanks to a very generous anonymous donation, Ella met the fundraising goal I set for her the first day and she ended up raising a total of $240 (excluding what Dave and I donated). The grand total for the school was $3180. It was a huge success for St. Jude's!

The H. Luke Update
Ella, Luke, and I were in their room after the bath the other night and I was dressing Ella while Luke played in the crib. Ella and Luke were laughing at each other through the bars, and he just pulled himself up to his feet like he's been doing it for years. He was so proud! The next morning when Dave went in there to get him, he was standing at the rail waiting for him. He has also realized that he can move from his stomach into a sitting position by himself, and while he isn't crawling in the traditional hands and knees way - he is going all over the place using the army crawl, pulling himself along with fists and elbows. And, with all this new mobility, he's finally sleeping again and a lot more content.

He isn't really making any recognizable sounds, except the occasional "Heeey", but he does engage in back and forth interaction and he mimics us. This morning, Ella was coughing and he looked up at her and coughed back, then smiled, waiting. She coughed at him. He coughed back. This went on for several minutes. Then I was telling Grandmother about it when we got to her house, and he started coughing again and looked expectantly at Ella.

Watching kids learn really amazes me.

More About Spiritedness

I’ve almost finished reading Raising Your Spirited Child (Kurcinka), and I’ve been putting some of the suggestions into practice. For example, as Ella melted down Sunday evening out of frustration and exhaustion, I scooped her up and plunked her into the bathtub. One of the suggestions in the book is to use water when they start to lose control – water tables, baths, playing in the kitchen sink, etc. - because it is soothing to them. Initially, once she regained enough composure to use her words, she fussed at me because she didn’t want to come inside but she settled down and enjoyed the bath. She was a much happier child when she came out of the tub, and I put her on the fast track to bed – which is what she desperately needed.


I have found that, more than the practical suggestions, the book has given me a better understanding of her personality and how her mind and body work so that I can better handle it when she’s moving into the “red zone” – i.e. Out-of-Control Meltdown. I have a better understanding of the things that trigger her move to the red zone and what I can do to help her stay in the “green zone” – that peaceful place where she is in control of her emotions/body/words.

I have also learned a lot about myself and how my interactions with her can either move us both to red or keep us in green. As the adult, it’s obviously my job to maintain control of myself so I can help her learn to recognize when she’s losing control and learn how to regain/maintain control of herself. So not only do I have a better understanding of what triggers send her spiraling out of control, I also know what triggers send me spiraling out of control. Not so surprisingly, we have a lot of the same triggers: too many transitions, lack of quiet time to ourselves, invasion of personal space, and abrupt changes of plans, just to name a few.

I’ve learned that we are both introverts; loosely paraphrased, that means that we get our energy from spending time alone or with a close loved one (i.e. she can recharge by playing by herself or by having quiet time with me), and being with large groups or with people we don’t know well is exhausting for us. In complete contrast, extroverts get their energy by being around other people and they find that having too much time alone is exhausting. I took the survey for her and for myself, and both of us only scored 1 out of 9 on the extrovert list and 9 out of 10 on the introvert list. This didn’t surprise me, but I have a much better understanding of what it means now – of why I am like I am and why I often find myself so drained at the same times that she is struggling.

Case in point, a couple of weeks ago we had an open house scheduled for Sunday afternoon (our house is on the market, but that’s another story). We had a loose plan to go to church, eat lunch afterward in the fellowship hall, and then find somewhere to camp and watch basketball for a few hours. I had prepared Ella for this, with the assumption that we would all be camping somewhere together. On the way to church, Dave suggested we go to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the games after church. Thinking of transitioning Ella, I assumed he meant we would just go there after we had lunch at church, and he assumed I knew he meant we would skip lunch at church and eat there. Regardless, I needed to transition Ella. Unfortunately, she happened to be present when we reconciled that difference, and she picked up my weird energy as I struggled to adjust to a different plan than what I had in mind. We decided to let her go home with Grandmother (She had been asking to, but she balked when she felt me waver about lunch.), so we went upstairs to find her. Grandmother already had her plate, so I got in line to fix a plate for Ella, still not sure if Dave and I were going to stay and eat or leave and watch basketball. I was concerned with making sure Ella was okay with going home with Grandmother and I thought it might be easier for her if we stayed to eat, but I knew Dave really wanted to leave and watch the games. In the background, Luke was fussing because he needed a nap. We were standing in line and Ella walked up to me and bit me. Hard, on the soft part of my thigh. She doesn’t generally bite, but she has bitten me just like that once before. I immediately bent down and corrected her, which led to tears, and more stimulation for me. As I stood there in the loud, bright (fluorescent lights really bother me sometimes) fellowship hall with a crying child on my shoulder and a fussing baby in the background,  feeling completely frazzled, I glanced up at what seemed like an impossibly long line to fix her a plate and I nearly lost it. There was too much talking, too much noise, too many people too close together, too much light, too much everything. I looked at Dave and said, “I have to get out of here. I want to leave.” I asked one of the ladies at the front of the line if I could go ahead of her to fix Ella a plate and she graciously agreed. I got Ella set up and reassured that I wasn’t leaving her forever and would be back to Grandmother’s to pick her up later, scooped up the now crying Luke, and practically ran out of there.

In talking it over with Dave, who thought I was really losing my sanity, I reached a few conclusions, thanks to my recent reading. I had had way too little sleep in the nights leading up to this, and that alone seriously impeded my ability to cope with the change of plans and the extra stimulation that a fellowship lunch usually brings. I was seriously stressed out about the open house, and had been for days, though it took me a while to realize and vocalize it. I wasn’t stressed about keeping the house clean, as Dave first believed when I was struggling to articulate – I was stressed about the thought that strangers were going to be walking through it and I was VERY resentful that I could not go home when I desperately needed a nap. I had not had enough quiet time to myself to recharge. I was one big, frazzled nerve ending trying to help another little frazzled nerve ending cope with all the same stresses. I know that she bit me because she was over-stimulated, too. The only other time she has bitten me (aside from the teething phase), it happened the exact same way, in the fellowship hall at church.

The good news is that I got out of there before I really lost control, and I had a calm afternoon while Ella had a calm afternoon playing at Grandmother’s. She decided to spend the night, and I decided to let her. I camped out on our couch, nursed Luke to sleep, and did not move for three hours when I got up to go to bed. The next morning, I was good to go again, and so was Ella.

I can’t say that the book is teaching me anything I didn’t already know on some level, but it is making me feel less like a socially inept freak and more like a normal person because now I have a better understanding of why I am so uncomfortable around crowds and strangers. It’s also helping me recognize when we (Ella and/or me) are headed for disaster so that I can take appropriate steps to mitigate it before we get beyond the coping point. I definitely think Ella is responding well to the things I’ve been practicing because she’s been doing a much better job of using her words when she’s upset rather than defaulting to an all-out, shrieking, tearful meltdown.

I think the book is worth the read, but I’d suggest you read How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish, first. I’ve found that Raising Your Spirited Child suggests a lot of the same methods for helping your child learn to communicate (with words rather than shrieks, teeth, hands, etc), but How To Talk lays it out in a lot more detail with a lot more practical application.

I never really considered that I would learn so much about myself on this Great Parenting Adventure; it’s pretty liberating, if not disconcerting at times.

We Heart Soap

I have been trying to spend a little more one-on-one time with Ella lately (when she lets me, but more about that in a minute). The child loves soap, so we decided to make some ourselves. I can't take credit for the idea. Ella's friend from church and her very creative mother made little soap snow globes to give as gifts this past Christmas, and Ella has been using it in the tub lately. She also loves the AVON body paint soaps, which she calls deodorant and insists that I not rinse off before getting her out of the tub.

I Googled it, of course, and made my weekly trip to Michael's (We might go broke keeping EGR in craft supplies; she's quite the painter.) for the ingredients. It's easy-peasy.

Glycerin (I got clear with olive oil because she could use the extra moisture with all the scrubbing she does.)
Color
Scented oil
Plastic molds (They make them especially for soap, but I bought candy molds because the shapes were more fun).

We melted the glycerin in the microwave, she dropped in the colors and scent, and I poured it into the molds. We made flowers, lions, monkeys, elephants, bears, a princess, a castle, and a carriage. We had so many, she decided to give some as gifts. I put away a handful in the bathroom drawer so I'd have extra when she runs out. I already had to give her a new one because she uses them up quickly. While we were cleaning up the mess (Did I mention that soap is self-cleaning?) I found some other candy molds that I didn't know I had, so next time we are going to make teddy bears for her friends at school. We took a picture (she arranged them on the towel for me); aren't they pretty? I think I had as much fun as she did, and I'm already scheming gift ideas.

I tried to have a girls' day with her and Aunt Becca yesterday, but she insisted that we bring Luke along. The plan was to drop Luke and Dave off at the house after church and pick up Aunt Becca for shopping. However, Ella informed me that "Luke will cry before we get back and we need to bring him with us because he's a baby." So, we brought him with us.

That's how it usually goes when I try to spend time with her by herself. She wants him to be there, too. He was napping the day we made soap, and she regretted afterward that he didn't get to sit in his high chair and watch. Occasionally, she doesn't want him around if she wants the tub to herself or for me to cuddle her at bedtime, but most of the time she wants him right there with us.

The Mommy Mule

Somehow, during Ella's infancy, Dave started calling me The Mommy Mule. I tried to be offended about it because it hardly seemed fair that he got the cool name of Knee Donkey, but I had to be a mule. Then I started thinking about all the crap I haul around all the time and decided it pretty much fits. Thus, when Dave came home last night and found us like this in the kitchen, he greeted us with reference to The Mommy Mule.

Luker Man has been skipping his late afternoon power nap lately because he's too busy learning to crawl/walk/crawl/we really don't know which he will do first. At any rate, skipping that power nap makes him one fussy baby in the evenings. Last night I decided, instead of listening to him fuss as I rushed around trying to do all the things and comfort him while the overall stress level of the whole house rose, I would tie him on in a back carry. 

I believe Ella was a few months older when I started wearing her on my back, but I've been thinking Luke might be long enough and strong enough for it to work, so we gave it a try. He wiggled and bounced for the first few minutes, and then settled down when he realized he could reach all sorts of new things while I worked. Then we needed to include Ella in the picture taking.

Putting him on my back was a very good idea, because he finally got that power nap. He slept for about twenty minutes while I finished making supper. 

I tried to lay him down without waking him. That didn't happen, but he did wake up happy and ready to gobble bites of chicken finger and sips of juice. He made it happily through bath time and slept better last night than he has in the past few (sleep begets sleep, you know).

Here's to babywearing for making a would-be hectic evening calm and relaxing. I think I've mentioned before that I love my Babyhawk carrier.

Luke's First Crush

I have to admit I was unprepared for this. I mean, I know boys have testosterone surging through their bodies from the moment their gender is decided, but I really wasn't prepared for my son to have his first crush on a girl at the ripe old age of 7 months.

He's in love. Head over heels, can't be distracted, in love. She's cute. Blonde, big blue eyes, curvy, petite -some might even say pixie-ish. Maybe a little too scantily clad for my liking, though.

Luke is crushing hard-core on Tinkerbell. It's so bad, I feel like I need to buy him a poster to tape on the ceiling above his bed.

It makes sense, of course, that because she's an older woman he met her through his big sister. He loves it when Ella wears her Tinkerbell nightgown or t-shirt. He can't get enough of Tink on the folding chair in the living room. It's not good enough to sit in the chair, he has to pull up and stand there looking at it so he can touch her. We have to hide it from him to get him to play with his own toys. It's serious, and it's just Tinkerbell, too, because there are two other fairies on that chair and he pays them zero attention.

I'm really thinking we might need to get him a Tinkerbell blanket so he will have something of his own with her face on it. Big Sister is getting a little tired of his new obsession.

Fundraising

I already know that I'm the kind of parent who is more likely to make a donation to the school than peddle the wares all around the neighborhood to raise money (for many reasons which I will not discuss at this time because that's not the point of this post). I also know that should an opportunity arise where the kids feel strongly about the cause for which money is being raised, they will be primarily responsible for raising the money (i.e. it will be their decisions whether they peddle the wares, and I hope they make them for better reasons than winning the prizes). I recognize the value of teaching my kids about raising money and giving money for good causes. As with most everything I want to teach them, I know that I need to start now.

We already model giving in a variety of ways. Ella has seen us tithe when she joins us in church for "big music" and she has even insisted on putting money in the offering plate herself. She understands that when her clothes do not fit her anymore, we pack them up and give them to someone else who needs clothes. She already has a very generous spirit, offering to share her imaginary whatever we have run out of and need to buy at the grocery store this week.

Her preschool has presented us with a great opportunity to talk about raising and giving money. When I first heard they were doing a trike-a-thon, my initial reaction was not to be bothered with fundraising. Then I learned that they are raising money for St. Judes Children's Hospital - a cause that has always touched my heart. I decided that we will partcipate in more than just the trike riding part.

Last night, I set about explaining the trike-a-thon and that we are going to raise money to help kids that are very sick and have to be in the hospital a long time. Understanding the way she works, I expected her reaction. She had three concerns, in this order.
1. "I don't want them to ride my tricycle." -  "Them" being her friends at school, and I explained that everyone will have their own tricycle and helmet.
2. "I'm not going to be sick?" - I explained that these kids aren't sick with an ear infection or a tummy ache, they are very, very sick and they have to stay at the hospital for a long time to get medicine in their IVs.
3. "I don't have any money! I used all my money in my piggy banks!" - I told her that she just needs to think about it a little and maybe we can ask some people if they want to give money to help the sick kids.

Later in the evening, she told me that Cinderella, who has been substitute teaching her students, is sick so Ariel has to teach the babies. And, she told me that she has some money to give for Cinderella because she is very sick. So, I think we are on the right track. If you live nearby and have enough regular interaction with Ella that she will actually talk to you (they are few and far between), don't be surprised if you are asked for money for the sick kids.

On that note, if you are asked or you are reading this post as the solicitation it's about to become, please do not feel obligated to give money if you aren't moved to do so. I absolutely believe in giving, but I absolutely do not give to anything that doesn't move my heart and I don't expect anyone else to do so either.

If you would like to help Ella raise money or you just want to support St. Jude's, please contact me or visit her page to make a donation online at this link: EGR's Trike-a-thon Page. The Trike-a-thon is April 1st, so please donate buy that date if you feel so moved.

I will consider this a success if I can convince her to ask one person for money and if she will actually ride her tricycle at the Trike-a-thon next week!

Conversations with EGR

I love talking to Ella because I never know what that child is going to say. She always surprises me with the depth of her thought processes. These are just a few of the things she's told me recently.

We were lying in bed one cool, Saturday morning a few weeks ago with the windows open. Then wind changed, and we smelled the chimney smoke from the neighbor's house accross the street. She promptly exclaimed, "I smell fire! Everyone needs to get out!" I explained that the smoke was coming from the neighbor's fireplace and that we didn't have to evacuate at that time, but that she was correct, we would normally have to get out. I guess she was paying attention when the fireman came to school, even though this is the first I've heard about that visit (in October) other than her insistence that she doesn't like firetrucks.

Last week on our drive home after work, she was telling me that she doesn't like dinosaurs. I reminded her that she had recently painted a really pretty one. She thought quietly for a minute, and then she asked, "Are they strong?" Yes. "Do we eat them?" No. This lead to an ongoing conversation during that evening about what animals we do eat. She was comfortable with the fact that some people eat "deers" but could not accept that we eat chicken, cows, and pigs.

For the last two nights, she has worn panties for bedtime instead of a pull-up. This was at her complete insistence, and both nights she stayed dry until morning. We were talking about it during our morning snuggle time yesterday and I pointed out that she is almost ready to say "goodbye diapers" completely, but she has to start pooping in the potty first. She told me that it is hard to poop in the potty and she doesn't want me to give her diapers away to someone else who needs them yet because she still needs them right now. I love that she was able to articulate that she can't get comfortable enough while sitting on the potty to poop there yet. We will respect this and wait for her to make that decision when she feels ready.

Last night, Pop the Pop ate supper with us. While we were eating, she asked him, "Are you going to spend the night with us?" (We've never had overnight guests at our house.) He asked her if he could sleep in her bed with her, and she told him, "No, you have to sleep in a big person bed." I guess she doesn't think hers is a big person bed because it's not on a frame, or maybe just because she sleeps in it and she's not a big person.

This morning as I was loading them into the car, she stopped me with her serious face and told me, "You need to teach Aunt Becca the bedtime song so she can learn about it." I said, "So she can sing it to the new baby?" She said, "Yes, I will help you."

She has already started asking what I think of as an intro to the hard questions, like "Where is God?" I've already noticed that she's put quite a bit of thought into the answers before she asks, so I try to feel her out before I answer to make sure I'm providing information at an appropriate level for her understanding. For example, she asked me where Jesus was, and I wasn't sure if she was talking about Jesus in Heaven or the baby Jesus from our Nativity scene, which she knows is stored under the house right now. She is still very literal in her thinking sometimes. This particular time, she was looking for me to tell her he was in Heaven.

The H. Luke Update
The Littlest Roper is on the brink of exploding into mobility. He can now sit unassisted, as of today, including getting into the sitting position by himself. Over the weekend, he pulled up on the side of the kiddie pool. He has crawled across our laps, but he hasn't realized he can do it on the floor yet. Here's a picture of him from his morning.

He mostly eats table food now, inlcuding the steak we had for supper last night, and he finally figured out how to get the puffs into his mouth by himself. He has pincer grasp, but he doesn't use it all the time yet, probably because stuffing the puffs in by the handfuls is more efficient.

Unfriending Facebook

I've decided to unfriend Facebook. I haven't gone so far as to delete my account, but I've logged out and unchecked the Keep Me Logged In box and I've removed the link from my Favorites bar.

I've come to realize that this constant view into people's lives is too much for me. I really need to go about my life blissfully unaware of other people's business unless they tell me about personally. I get too caught up in a few sentences posted and forget to consider that I don't know the whole picture. Luckily, I've been able to stop my itchy fingers from commenting without thinking, but I feel myself jumping too quickly to butt into other's business to offer unsolicited advice. I hate unsolicited advice.

Because I read so much, I have a lot of random knowledge stored in my head. I'm a virtual library of randomness, and I love to solve new puzzles, so I'm constantly learning. This makes it hard for me to keep my mouth shut (and fingers still) when I see someone struggling with something that I know about. I know that it makes me seem like a know-it-all, and I guess I probably am. But, I can honestly say I'm more like the nerdy kid in class that just can't help but raise her hand and answer the question rather than the "I know more than you, so I'm superior" type of person. (I just realized that I am Hermione Granger.)

I've also realized that I feel things too intensely to know about everybody's business. I get too caught up other people's hurt/anger/frustration/sadness, etc. and I worry about things that I have no control over. That really isn't good for me.

 A lot of people have given up Facebook for Lent. I'm starting to think that's not a bad idea for me as well.

I probably won't be posting links to the blog there for a while, but you can always access the blog directly. Also, feel free to comment on any blog post in the "post a comment" section below. Your comments won't show up automatically because I have to approve and publish them first (to prevent spam), but I'll do that frequently.

Smell you later, Facebook!

Family Foto Fun

Luke has finally solved his combined problem of being basically immobile and having malfunctioning "go go gadget arms." No longer does he have to worry about being stranded, unable to reach his toys - I present you with his newly improvised, rolling wagon of fun (courtesy of Grandmother). It even comes with a readily available napping surface, of which he is known to take advantage.

Ella requested a walk yesterday afternoon and she wanted Luke to ride in the wagon with her. I packed them both in there, her in the seat, him in the bottom with a Boppy wrapped around him. It must be quite relaxing to ride along, watching the clouds, listening to plastic wheels on the pavement, with a nice, spring breeze on your face, because approximately 10 steps into our walk, he was passed out cold. Today he's making the rounds at Grandmother's house with all of his things in reach.

Oh, and Ella sends her love as well.

This is the second "hand kiss" I've received from her today. The first happened when I dropped her off this morning. She was quite disgruntled by the Daylight Savings Time wake up and she told me she was going to be ugly today. I told her that was fine as long as she went to her play room to be ugly. She then told me, "I'm going to time out!" I said, "Okay, but give me a bye kiss first." She efficiently kissed her hand, patted my cheek, and passed me by on the way to time out. I guess she needed a break before she got started with her day. I know the feeling.