Tuesday, February 02, 2016

A Different Winter

I'm sitting on the couch in the "big living room" as we call the common area of the house we now live in - the part that we share with the girls - doing paperwork with the doors open and the breeze blowing through the room. I know it's fake springtime because it's going to storm tonight and get cold again, but I can't help but marvel at how different this winter has been compared to other winters. I'm not talking about weather.

Winter has always left me feeling like I'm hanging on to my soul with jagged fingernails, just waiting for God to rescue me with daylight and daffodils, but this year has been different. 

Is it because I'm not chained to a desk in a cube farm now and I actually get to experience daylight? I seriously think not sitting in a desk chair for 9 hours a day might have saved my life. 

Is it because life and work are so combined now that I wasn't filled with dread about the turn of the year and the return to work? 

Is it because I see my children more than I leave them now? I didn't realize how much I actually missed them while I was working an office job until I got to be with them all the time. Apparently, I was more stay-at-home-mom material than I realized. 

Is it because the black depression that hovered over my household for so long is finally gone? I could write pages on that alone. 
Is it because I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and I have peace in my soul now? 

It's probably because of all those things and more that I don't recognize. What I know is, I'll take it. I like this peace, this happy.