10. You!

Me and Ella, circa November 2008

I didn't want to do another self-portrait for this Photo A Day prompt, and when I was trying to think of a picture of me that really shows who I am, this is the one that came to mind. It shows the biggest parts of me - work and family. Since God is part of all of that, I can see Him there, too, especially when I think of a couple of my favorite verses : Colossians 3:23 - 24 and Ephesians 6:4. The Lord knows I needed Him when I realized the magnitude of responsibility that came with a baby and the complete helplessness I felt at the thought of one day sending her out into the world without me to protect her. It was then that I realized what a precious gift every moment with her is and I started praying for guidance, perspective, strength, peace, patience, courage, and all manner of other things so as not to screw it up. So yeah, He was there, right in the middle of everything, as it should be.

"And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ." - Colossians 3:23-24

I know Ella was between 4 and 5 months old in this picture because I was back at work and she was wearing the Pavlik harness on the outside of her pajamas - which meant we were able to take it off for bath time. I think this was the first time I had to work late after returning to work from maternity leave. That doesn't happen often, and now when it does, I either just stay at the office late or wait until the kids are in bed to finish up. Back then, she was waiting for me to get home to nurse and she needed for me to sit in that brown chair and nurse for most of the evening. Even when she fell asleep, I usually held her until I went to bed or she would just wake up over and over again.

Our end tables are blessedly less crowded these days, I gave the Boppy pillow to Aunt Becca two years ago, and if there is a burp cloth in our house, it belongs to the baby Maggie Beth. But man oh man, the sight of that fuzzy little head tucked into my neck while I worked makes me almost able to feel her tiny little body snuggled in my arms, almost able to smell her baby smell all around me. This is what makes me tell new mothers to hold their babies as much and as long as they want despite what anyone says about spoiling and self-soothing because that age really, really doesn't last long at all and you can never get it back. The hugs are just as good now, and I can still smell her baby smell if I tuck my nose into her neck while I hug her, but she'll never fit in my arms quite like that again.

"And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." - Ephesians 6:4