I started a new book yesterday called Raising Your Spirited Child, by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. I laughed through the whole first chapter. She says some readers cry through it because they are so relieved to find out others have children like theirs, but me, I laughed because it completely validated what I already knew about my daughter.
She is spirited.
What does that mean? Some slightly more negative synonyms are "strong-willed", "difficult", "challenging" - you get the idea. With the exception of "strong-willed", I don't like those other words because, while they do apply, they make the very essence of her self seem somehow wrong. I know there is nothing wrong with her, she's just different. To put it in the author's words, she "more" - "more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, and energetic." I tell people that she is everything I wished her to be and she's also my biggest challenge. She's amazing and frustrating - often at the same time. I'm both awestruck and infuriated by her - often within seconds. It's the reason I pray, "Thank you God for this amazing child. Please don't let me screw her up."
There is a quiz in the book that helps you rate your child for each of the characteristics of spiritedness (intensity, persistence, sensitivity, perceptiveness, adaptability, regularity, energy, first reaction, and mood). The total scale goes from 1 to 45, with 1 being the low-key, cool child and 45 being the spirited child. EGR scored a 35. I also rated myself and I scored a 28, which is the highest score in the "spunky" category meaning that I'm pretty spirited myself (29 - 45 is spirited). I didn't rate Dave, but I'm pretty sure he falls well into the spirited range.
These are some of my favorite quotes from the book that describe Ella.
"They don't cry; they shriek." - Holy moly, that couldn't be more true since the very minute she was born. The only time I've seen her just cry was during her allergy testing when there were silent tears flowing down her cheeks. Even that was a dramatic reaction given how different it was from the way she normally handles things.
"Getting them to change their mind is a major undertaking. They love to debate and are not afraid to assert themselves." - She is her father's daughter. Enough said.
"...quickly respond to the slightest noises, smells, lights, textures, or changes in mood." - Um, yes, yes, and yes. She hears, smells, sees everything and asks about it. She does not miss a thing.
"It can take ten minutes to get them from the house to the car. They notice everything - the latest oil spill, the white feather in the bird's nest, the dew in the spider web. They're often accused of not listening." - True. How often do I tell her to listen with her ears?
"They hate surprises and do not shift easily from one activity or idea to another." - Just ask Papa about his experience the day he picked her up from school without telling her first.
"A quick withdrawal from anything new is typical of many spirited kids." - Ha! Anyone who knows her knows this is true about her.
"They're analytical, meticulously reviewing experiences, finding the flaws, and making suggestions for change." - How many times in the last week did we discuss Grandma's car? It was in the shop to have the power steering fixed. We had to look at it when we drove by it, we talked about what was wrong with it, we prayed for it every night, and last night we finally called Pop to find out if it was fixed yet. Then we thanked God that it was. I feel certain we aren't finished discussing it yet.
I can't wait to finish this book and add another set of skills to my parenting toolbox. Do you have a spirited child?
"Spirited" is the nicest thing Dave has been called this week. I've often referred to him simply as "special."
ReplyDeleteAndrew Wheeler, I think you might be spirited, too.
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