There’s a practice in the world of parenting infants that I abhor. It’s called “cry it out” or CIO. It keeps popping up around the edges of my life lately, and I have reached my limit of disturbed so now I have to write about it.
It means sleep-training, letting your baby cry and cry and cry until it learns to “self-soothe”. There are varying degrees of it from checking on them occasionally to make sure they are “safe” to leaving them crying until they vomit and then determining if there is enough vomit to necessitate a change of bedding. Enough vomit? Are these people for real? People do this with their infants, their tiny few-month-old babies, their 9-month old babies, their innocent, completely dependent, unable-to-communicate-their-needs-with-words-so-they-cry babies.
They do it because the doctor told them to. They do it because they are tired of getting up with baby in the middle of the night. They do it because this society has convinced them that tiny little babies with tiny little tummies should be able to sleep for 10 straight hours without waking up to eat. Or cuddle. Or touch base with Mom.
I. Do. Not. Understand. It.
I find it impossible to believe that any mother can listen to her child cry for hours on end without feeling a very basic, biological, psychological, physiological need to do everything in her power to get to that child. That’s the way God made us. Because babies cry for a reason. Just because you don’t know what the reason is does not mean it’s not valid! If you don’t want to get up in the middle of the night to feed said tiny, dependent, human being then DON’T FREAKING HAVE ONE!
Right now, the top of my head may pop off and my blood might just boil over.
Every time I hear or read about someone leaving their baby to cry alone, I become physically ill. I can feel the vomit rising up in my throat. And I hurt for that poor baby that has no other way to communicate. That sees its parents as the sun and the moon and the stars, as everything in its life, that cannot understand why those people who care for it will not meet its needs.
Reality check: Babies wake up at night. They just do. They have tiny tummies that need filling often. They have a biological need to be near their parents, especially Mom. They need diaper changes. They have tummy aches. They get scared. They feel lonely. They will continue waking up at night until they are developmentally ready to not wake up at night anymore. That might happen at a few months old, or it might happen at 4 years. It depends on the child. If you try to force it by making your baby cry and cry and cry alone in the dark, you are going to make the child distrustful, detached, and dependent. If you think CIO is “working” you should rest assured that your baby stopped crying because it gave up on you.
If you are doing it because someone told you to, stop. Listen to your instincts and pick up your baby. If you are doing it because you are tired of the inconvenience of getting up at night, shame on you. With all sincerity (albeit through a blood-red haze of fury), and for your own sanity, I hope your baby does not aspirate on its own vomit.
It’s bad for mom; it’s bad for baby.
Some information, if you don’t want to take the word of a crazy, ranting, liberal, hippie mother.
On infant sleep: http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/sleep.html
Links to studies about infant sleep: http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/sleepstudies.html
8 Infant Sleep Facts Every Parent Should Know: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp
Baby-centered tips to help you with sleep: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300.asp
Links to studies explaining why CIO is bad: http://forum.kellymom.net/showthread.php?42835-Why-you-shouldn-t-let-your-baby-cry-it-out-(CIO)-research-amp-articles
Happy reading. I hope it’s thought provoking for you.
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