Just Venting

Disclaimer: I'm in a funk, so stop reading now if you don't want to hear my whining.

I'm tired. I'm hot. My hormones are crazy. My body hurts. I can't bend in the middle anymore. People are stupid. To top it all off, my number one, go-to, feel-better food is off limits right now - and I don't dare have a tiny bite for fear that the Food Police will be buzzing around me in 30 seconds flat. For the record - sugar free chocolate pudding, while it has been a life saver, is NOT real chocolate.

Right this minute, I feel like staying at my house for the rest of this pregnancy. At least there I can wear zero clothes, lie on the couch, and avoid anyone who will say something stupid.

Let me be clear about something. I want this baby to be born before the doctor induces labor, BUT I want her to be READY to be born. That means fully-cooked and able to come home with me when I leave the hospital. I know that I don't get to control everything, and sometimes babies have to stay in the NICU (believe me, I know this), but I don't need anyone to tell me "I don't think you are going to make it until June" because my belly is so big. Umm, thanks, and do you realize that she won't be full-term until June 18th? And that's pushing it since 40 weeks isn't until July 10th. I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S TINY BEHIND HOW BIG MY BELLY IS; THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT THIS BABY IS READY TO COME OUT YET. And furthermore, I don't need any commentary on when she will be born or how big she will be. Note to the shower planners who might read this - if you are planning any stupid games about predicting her birth date or size, they would be best cancelled now. I've heard enough already. She'll be here when she gets here; and, while I'm tired and achy, I'm not in any hurry to get her out before it's time. In truth, I already know that I will miss feeling her move inside me.

Yesterday, we had Muffins with Mommy before Sunday School. I was really good and I ate a lowfat blueberry muffin - just one. Then, someone came in with those miniature chocolate donuts. I knew that I would eat one when I saw them. It couldn't be helped. I got one. It wasn't 30 seconds before two people commented. One of them told me, "You don't need to be eating that. It will make you fat." First of all, fat is the least of my worries about eating a donut right now. Second, I KNOW I don't need to be eating it. I worry every day about everything I eat, and when I eat something that I shouldn't - I feel completely guilty for the rest of the day. I did splurge yesterday (again) and have a piece of regular cake after lunch, but I was very good at dinner and ate the cheesefake I made (sugar-free cheescake that was surprisingly good). This morning, my sugar was well within the fasting range before breakfast and one hour later. I must not have done too much damage. Oh, by the way, shrimp IS on the approved foods list for pregnancy. I double-checked.

There is a comeback that I've been saving because I haven't felt mean enough to say it to anyone yet, but I think I'm just about ready to throw it out there the next time someone comments on my size or that what I'm eating will make me fat: "I'm going to lose 20 pounds in one day. What's your plan?"

Oh, and here is an amazing tidbit that some people don't know. When I'm in the room with you, I can probably hear what you are saying about me. Surprising, isn't it?