I would love to be able to look inside my belly and see what the baby is doing in there. I swear sometimes it feels like she's hitting a speed bag (You know, that hanging punching bag that you hit really fast with your fists? I know this from Tae Bo.) I also want to know how she is positioned. I cannot tell what these parts are that I'm feeling. There is lump in the top left side of my belly, and I don't know if it's a head or butt. I'm hoping it's a butt since that would put her in a nearly head-down position. However, she's not kicking me in the ribs, so I'm suspicious it's a head. I'm 32 weeks today and she's supposed to be moving to head-down pretty soon. I want her to get on with it so I don't have to worry about a breech baby.
There isn't much new to report on the pregnancy calendar. She weighs about 4 lbs. and is 11-ish inches long. I am supposed to start thinking about my birthing options. If I had waited until now to start thinking about them, I would be freaking out. Dave and I did our last Hypnobabies "class" last night. I have one more week of listening to a new CD track, then I start my maintenance program until birth. He's beginning to grasp his role in this process, I think. He has some jobs to do to help me be as relaxed as possible during birth. He told me he doesn't think he can be "down there" watching while I'm delivering her. That's fine, but he will be in the room. He started talking about how his brother stood at the door of the room when his wife was having their first child. I told him, "We aren't having any of that. You are in this with me and you are a grown man. Besides, you are the only person I want to be there." I think we are clear on this subject now. Perhaps I'm a radical feminist, but my thought on this subject is this: If you are man enough to look at a woman's most private part during recreational time, then you are man enough to see it during work time, too. This isn't 1950.
My first shower is this weekend. I think I need to practice using my "Bubble of Peace" before then. The Bubble of Peace is part of my Hypnobabies training. I'm supposed to surround myself with it to protect myself from negativity (obviously, I've not been doing this lately). Creating my bubble was the first thing I did in my Hypnobabies practice. Since this is all about visualization and the power of the mind, I'm supposed to build and maintain a positive outlook about pregnancy and birth - that means I have to protect myself from other people's negativity about birth, etc. In case you are wondering, my bubble is pale pink and covered in silvery, elven mail (think Lord of the Rings). There are butterflies inside of it. (Newsflash: I'm a freak.) Negative thoughts and feelings are supposed to bounce off of it. They do, when I remember to use it. This bubble, like most of the Hypnobabies training, will be useful in other areas of my life as well.
I also have a safe place I'm supposed to go to during my relaxation, but I find that most of the time I relax so quickly that I don't make it to the safe place. Dave rags me all the time about being "hypnotized" because he thinks I'm sleeping. Sometimes I am. :) However, most of the time I am in a state of "hypnotic amnesia"; I know this because I come out of it when the voice on the CD counts me up. It's so cool. My safe place is the backyard of our house in Gardendale. I don't know why, but like the pink Bubble, that's the image that popped into my mind when I was creating it. When I visualize my anesthesia moving through my body, it is a bright white light. Anesthetizing myself is the coolest thing about this program so far. I have a lot more work to do, but I'm really excited about my progress.
I have my 32 week appointment tomorrow. I have to ask the doctor if creating a birth plan is crap or if it's worth the time to do it. I have one in my head, but if it won't be taken seriously, I'm not putting it on paper. I know what I want and don't want, and I will make sure I get it (or don't). Hypnobabies is empowering. :)
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