Holy Booties, Batman!

**Insert sharp inhaling of breath** I'm having a baby!! Relax - not right this minute, but in the VERY near future.

Right before I married the love of my life, there were several anxious moments in which it suddenly occurred to me (again and again) that I was about to get MARRIED. MARRIED!! My entire life was about to change and suddenly I would always have to consider another person in addition to myself in every decision I made, in every action I took, etc. There were even moments when I questioned whether it was really the right decision to get married - to anyone. Was I really the kind of person that could be married for the rest of her life? Marriage is hard work. Obviously, the answer to that question was YES. This was all after dating the man for nearly four years, and knowing that I was going to marry him for at least three and a half before we actually got around to it. It wasn't a sudden decision. :) I could go on and on about him, but suffice it to say that I'm glad I did marry him. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Now, as we wait through the final weeks of this pregnancy, I find myself having the same type of shocking, gasp-inspiring realizations that I'm about to have a baby. :) My heart stops for just an instant as I realize that VERY soon there will be another tiny person in my life that will change everything. How ridiculous is that? Obviously this life-changing event is no surprise to me since I've been carrying her inside me for the last nine months, since my house is already partially transformed in preparation for her, since I'm already planning for what we will do with the baby when we do this or that. This baby couldn't be more planned or wanted or anticipated or loved, yet the thought that we will have a real, live baby soon fills me with the same sense of anxiety that I felt in the weeks before I got married. It must be something about life-altering events.

The difference this time, aside from the fact that there is no undoing what has been done, is that I KNOW without a doubt that having this baby is God's plan for us. I know that He has already and will continue to prepare us for the changes that are coming. (He did that for my marriage, too, I just didn't know Him as well then.) Knowing that He has prepared me doesn't stop my wordly self from feeling anxious about the change when my guard is down and those thoughts slip in on occasion. Left to my own devices, I've never dealt with change well. I don't like it and I am a creature of habit to a fault. It's my fear of the unknown that makes me anxious. If I knew right now exactly what life would be like with the new baby, I would have no anxiety. I also know that once she's here, I will adapt quickly and we will be moving full-steam ahead to the next angst-producing event. But, that transitional time where I move from what is familiar to what is completely new gets me every time. I guess that's what faith is about - taking the leap and believing that you really won't fall on your face. :)

With all that said, I already know that this is another of those best decisions.

Given that this post really had no point, I think that's enough random, gibberish, blabber for one day. We'll see what tomorrow brings. ;)