The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men

You know the saying. : ) It seems as if Timothia will make her arrival into this world next Wednesday, June 25th. The 25th is a nice round number, so I'm okay with that date. : ) This is, of course, provided she doesn't come on her own before then - but I think she would have been here this week if that was the plan.

I am scheduled for a C-section Wednesday morning because the sassy little chic is breech. Now, I know that she was head down for about two weeks because I know when she turned that way, and I'm pretty sure I know when she turned back to breech. There is a chance that she could turn head down before Wednesday, but it isn't very likely at this point and given our situation. They will check her position when I get there Wednesday morning, and if she's head down I'll just have an induction instead of a C-section.

Obviously this wasn't my plan for the whole experience. Am I disappointed? I don't really think that's the right word for how I feel. I can't be disappointed because I'm too excited about having this baby and KNOWING that it will be next week. I also know that I made the best decision for us out of several options that my doctor presented. I think the best word to describe how I feel right now is "defeated." It sounds worse than it is, I'm sure. I can honestly say that I have done everything in my power to keep me and the baby healthy, and to move her into position. I don't have any regrets about anything that I did in this whole process. I realized early on that the healthier we are, the more options and influence I would have. I guess the feeling of defeat comes from working so hard (physically and mentally) to ensure a natural birth, and still making the decision for the C-section. But the part that makes me okay with it was that it was MY decision. So, was the work and the studying and the practice worth it? Absolutely. I'll be using hypnosis anyway, just not in the manner I expected. It will help with lots of things surrounding the birth and caring for a newborn, and most importanly, it really helped me keep a positive frame of mind - even now when everyone is expecting me to be upset.

I have suspected for weeks that my plan wasn't going to happen, so I was somewhat prepared yesterday to find out that she is breech (more prepared than I realized, actually). There was one moment when I wanted to cry on the way home from the doctor, but I said to myself: "Self, you are not going to cry about this. You made the decision and you know it's the best one for you." So, I didn't cry. : )

Let me say again that I LOVE my doctor. I basically had three options: breech vaginal delivery, external version with induction, and a c-section. Most doctors will not even consider breech vaginal delivery, and most (at Brookwood) don't know how to do an external version (that's the procedure where they turn the baby from the outside) - mine is willing and eager to do both, but I wasn't a good candidate for either. I have two strikes against me: this is my first baby and I have gestational diabetes. Even if the baby is not oversized (and I don't think she is), she is most likely proportioned differently than non-diabetic babies - larger in the torso, which can make it difficult to fit through my pelvis even if she's head down. With first babies, the uterus is less pliable, making an external version less successful in general, and labor is usually longer, making a breech vaginal delivery more risky since the biggest part of the baby (the head) would be delivered last. So, a c-section it is. I really don't think there is much chance of her turning on her own at this point.

This time next week, we will have a baby. : ) The most disappointing kink in all of my plans is that I won't be able to have a celebratory chocolate milkshake from Chick-fil-A right after the birth. Since it's a surgery, I'll probably have to wait until the next day. Dang it.

Both the baby and I are still doing great, and I got a small consolation prize for this whole C-section deal. When they did the ultrasound to check her position, the tech took some good 4D pictures of her face for me. She has the same fat cheeks and lips that I had when I was born. I can't wait to see her.