A year later, I think we've mostly adjusted to life after cancer. I'm not sure when it moved from After Chemo to After Cancer, but it has. There are still daily reminders, namely his inability to eat anything remotely spicy without breaking out in a sweat and the occasional unnerving pain or sore that seems to be taking too long to heal. Cancer is a very common conversation around our house, but I guess it might always be. Sometimes the conversations are very reflective and sometimes they still choke me up, but there's no fear in them now. Sometimes I just get choked up because. . . I don't know why. As we were riding in the truck over the weekend, Martina McBride's song I'm Gonna Love You Through It came on the radio and before I even knew what happened, I was raw and crying. It surprises me the most when the kids bring it up. Luke talked recently about Daddy being sick and going to see him at the hospital. Ella and I were reading a devotional about God taking care of us and she said, "I know. I knew God was taking care of Daddy when he was sick." Conversations about cancer are as regular around our house as conversations about private parts, poop, and what we're having for supper.
I sometimes think others find it shocking that we discuss it so casually, especially with our young children, but I don't know a better way of addressing it than head-on. I also like to believe that our transparency about the experience makes other people feel more comfortable talking to us about their own experiences. My telling of how we found his cancer is still the most frequently read post on this blog, and I usually get a couple of reads through the cancer posts every week. I hope that all of you people who read here for whatever crazy reason are sharing our experience with people you know who need or want the information. And, I hope that they can find something in it that makes their own journey a little less scary and a little less lonely. That's why we shared it publicly. Both of us do a lot of talking about cancer with people we know, and with strangers, who are living through it now. We feel like we survived it to be a source of encouragement and information for others, and that's what we try to do.
A cancerversary is completely new territory for us, so we aren't really sure how one should celebrate such a day, but in our house, there will be cake.
"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." - Romans 15:13
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