My KidS

That's kids with a capital S because now I have more than one. A good friend of mine told me multiple times during my pregnancy that adding the second kid was a major adjustment for him, and a lot more work than having the first one. His kids have about the same age difference between them as mine. I took his warning in with a grain of salt, but I have to say that there are times when I think he's exactly right. And, there are times when I feel like I've found my stride and I'm handling this transisition very well. It depends very much on the quantity and quality of sleep I've had.

I've never tip-toed around the fact that the middle of the night is the most challenging part of motherhood for me. This time is harder, partly because I have two to parent, but mostly because I'd gotten so accustomed to one wake up for less than 20 minutes. I've had to make a big effort to adjust my expectations back to the newborn phase. Luke only wakes up a couple of times, but it takes a whole lot longer to get him back to sleep because we have to go through the whole nurse, burp, poop, change, swaddle, etc. routine each time. It's helped for me to think back to Ella's first few weeks and remember that I did the same things with her and this is normal. I was just less prepared for all of the middle of the night awake time this time around - which seems weird to me since I've done this before. It is doubly challenging when Ella wakes up, too, sometimes more than Luke, sometimes at the same times, sometimes because his crying wakes her, sometimes her crying wakes him - it's enough to make me curse under my breath as I trudge through the house in the dark.

Luke is more receptive to Dave cuddling him to sleep than Ella ever was, so he's been able to tag team with me on nights when it's really rough because they are awake and crying at the same time. Ella doesn't mind me bringing Luke to her bed to nurse while I sit with her until she falls back to sleep, but he sounds like a very noisy piglet while he's nursing so I often wonder how she even falls asleep at all with all that noise. She does, but some nights I have to tamp down my frustration when she keeps sitting up to look at him and my frustration with him at being so loud. (I told you, I'm at my worst in the middle of the night.)

Luckily, Ella is at an age and phase in her life where she seeks Dave out and he is very effective with her. The perfect timing of this is an answered prayer because I've really needed his help with her in the last three weeks. It's been very humbling to admit that there are times when he is more effective at parenting her than me. That's one reason why kids have two parents, I guess, but it's humbling for me anyway. It also makes me love him so much more. It's been cool to see how I've fallen in love with him differently with each kid.

But on days when it's good, it's so good. When I finally had a few hours alone with both kids to figure it out by myself, I felt so validated. I managed, they were both happy at the end of it, and there was peace in our house. I've had a lot of help from my family since I came home from the hospital because I really, really needed it. My recovery has been harder this time; I had a lot more pain and obviously a lot more to handle with a two year old. However, having someone with me all the time seems to negatively affect Ella's adjustment to sharing me. Sharing me with Luke hasn't been a problem, but sharing me with the grandmothers is more than she can handle at times.

Overall, I think she's adjusting well to being a big sister. Her new relationship with Daddy has really helped in times when I can't do what she wants/needs immediately and when she needs some focused play time. She may still choose to wait for me to be available, but Dave is an option now - and often a preference. She eagerly waits for him to come home in the evenings so he can play with her. She understands that all the things I do for Luke are things I did for her when she was a baby and I validate that every time she talks about it. She loves her little brother, and there is nothing sweeter than watching her kiss, cuddle, and talk to him.

He loves her, too. His eyes light up and he seeks her out when he hears her voice, and he is content to sit and watch her for a long time. I know that there will be times when they drive each other nuts, but I'm very happy that they will have each other.