Wednesday, April 04, 2012

I am not strong.

What I am is crazy. Nutballs. Losing my flippin' mind.

There's so much to do at home. There's so much to do at work. Work. It's a flexible situation, thankfully, but what do I do? Take unpaid intermittent Family Medical Leave? Use my vacation time with the leave? Keep up what I'm doing now, which is trying to squeeze 40 hours of productivity into the rest of my insanity? I'm honestly wondering if I can handle it - that expectation of my productivity. And that makes me feel vulnerable and worried in a way that I don't need to be about work. Because do you know how much a round of chemotherapy costs? I don't either yet, but I'll be finding out soon enough and I know I don't want to be without health insurance. And you know what else, Obamacare haters? I'm so thankful for that pre-existing condition deal he put in there that I could just cry. You know what's a pre-existing condition? Cancer.

There are so many doctor's appointments and medicines to manage. So many people to care for. And the dog and the cat and the house. And me? Sigh. I'm starting to question my mental health. Large quantities of chocolate and probably a prescription are in order. I wonder if our primary care doctor will just see me at Dave's next follow up so I don't have to bother with scheduling another appointment?

I know that it's all going to be fine. I know that God's timing is perfect and I need only to wait on Him. But right now I'm having a little fit about it all and you're going to have to bear with me.

And now I'm going to try to leave it here and not have a bad day about it.

1 comment:

  1. You are strong. You have a lot going on right now, and I can't even imagine what is going on in your mind. I hope you have a good day and your family is continually in my prayers.

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