Two Down, One to Go

I just thought I lived for the weekends before I had a baby. :) I cannot wait to spend the day tomorrow watching her smile and laugh. I have missed that child so much.

So far we are both doing okay with this new routine. Well, Ella is doing wonderfully, but I'm just okay. It's so hard to leave her in the mornings and so hard to put her down in her bed at night because I have approximately 3 waking hours with her. I won't lie; I hate it. Someone else gets the best of her during the day and I get the worn out baby in the evenings. There are two consolation prizes for that, of course: 1) I get her when the harness is off and she's so happy to kick her legs and have a bath and 2) it's my mothers who get the best of her, not a complete stranger who is responsible for ten other kids at the same time. I can live with that if I have to, and I have to. :)

She spends her days reading books with Grandma, and she absolutely loves it! I'm so happy that she loves books already. When I got there to pick her up yesterday, they were on the porch reading, and I could hear her reading along. :) It's amazing to me that she already loves to listen and look at the pictures.

The second day was the hardest for me because, after putting her to bed on the first day I was facing the stark reality of how little I would be seeing her during the week. Knowing that she is happy during the day and that she's taking the bottle without issues makes me feel better. Yesterday, she actually refused the last bottle and waited for me to get home to nurse her, so that made me feel great! Most of my worries about leaving her are gone now, I'm just dealing with guilt because those giant eyes look at me imploringly in the mornings, and that toothless smile takes up her whole face and I think to myself, "How can I possibly leave this child?" even though I know she's getting the best care possible (second to myself, of course). I was warned of the guilt, but there's no explaining that feeling to someone who isn't a mother who has left her child to go back to work.

Here's that toothless grin. This is my new favorite picture of her. Those eyes are so expressive. You can already see the devilment in her in this picture. :)