Nine Things I've Learned in Nine Years of Marriage

Dave and I have been married for nine years today. I decided to commemorate this anniversary with a list of nine things I've learned in my marriage.

Nine Things I've Learned in Nine Years of Marriage

1. Putting God in the center - in faith and in practice - makes our relationship stronger. We have lived a lot of things together, big and small, that could have torn us apart but we keep finding ourselves bound closer together. 

2. We make a good team. My attention to detail and his brute force combine so that we work very well together. Also, knowing each other well enough to know when to lend a hand helps, too. I have no idea how many times he has been about to lose his head over a poorly written instruction manual that I helped him sort out before he broke something. Or, how many times I needed him to hammer, tighten, or pry something that I just couldn't get done with my weak hands. There have been many, many occasions when we've rescued each other from DIY purgatory with our respective skills. It's not just home improvement; it's most things. We work well together.

3.  We can argue without having a full blown, ugly fight. It took us a while to figure this one out, but it is possible, and necessary. I've written about it before.

4. When I start to dislike him, I need to make some time for myself. Sometimes, he starts to grate on my nerves and there is nothing he can do that's right. Luckily, I realized years ago that what I need to do when that happens is retreat, because it's my attitude that needs adjusting, not his. Oh, he does occasionally get in a funk that requires an attitude adjustment (and that usually means he needs a break, too), but when I'm well-balanced, his funk doesn't irritate me. Also, it's not my job to adjust his attitude.

5. Kids ratchet everything up a notch. They make it louder, messier, busier, and crazier. If it's good, they make it better. If it's struggling, they make it harder. Plain and simple.

6. Words are powerful. They can tear down or build up, and the more intimate you are with someone, the more powerful the words you use with each other become. He's my life partner; I don't want to hurt him with my words.

7. He bakes better cookies than me. It's just the truth. I do most of the cooking because I like to cook and because he likes my cooking better than his own, but I will burn a cookie like it's my job. That's why cookies are his job.

8. Small, thoughtful gestures are a big deal (and he is so much better at this than me). Sometimes he fills my car with gas, or turns on the space heater in the bathroom so it will be warm when I get up to shower, or brings me something silly from the store just because he knows it will make me happy. He's really good at those things, and it makes me feel loved.

9. The better I know him, the more I love him. He's my favorite.