Ella has been helping me with chores around the house since she was about 18 months old, but in the last year she's become really capable of doing some things without assistance. She can clean up her room, make her bed, sort her dirty laundry, put away the clean laundry, get herself dressed, brush her own teeth, use the bathroom, clear her plate from the table, etc. As she's become more capable, my expectations of her pulling her weight in our family have increased. I believe that every member of our family should contribute to the work that keeps our house neat and peaceful. Once they become able to pick up their socks off the floor and put them in the laundry basket, it's no longer my job. I still help them with these things as they are learning, of course, but I fully expect that they will do these things themselves as they get older. As members of our family, they have a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of our house.
Ella is usually very willing to do things herself and quite helpful around the house. However, the morning rush to get her out the door had become very tedious, regularly breaking down into negative interactions for both of us. The Barbie mess on her bedroom floor had gotten completely out of control. The amount of nagging I've been doing lately is ridiculous, and she doesn't respond well to it (does anyone?). She doesn't like to be told what to do and I don't like stepping on Barbie junk and verbally dragging her through the morning routine. The more I tell her to put her shoes on, the longer she resists. She's just like her parents in that way.
I stewed over how to solve this problem in a way that works for both of us. I need her to get up and dressed in the mornings without me nagging. I need her to straighten her room so that we can walk in there (and make it more inviting to be in there, or even have the door open). She needs autonomy - specifically, space and time to do the things that are expected of her without me hovering.
I had a chat with her so that we could problem solve together. We agreed that I would wake her up more gently by lying down and talking to her for a few minutes while she wakes up, and she would pick out her clothes the night before so they are ready and waiting to be put on in the mornings. That improved things quite a bit, but it didn't address the messy room.
After sending her in to clean up her room, then sending her in to try again, I locked her out of the room Sunday afternoon and cleaned it myself. I realized that the mess had become overwhelming for her. She really didn't know where to start cleaning it up. She had done most of what I asked, but the Barbie's were still partying all over the place - making it feel so much messier than it actually was. While I cleaned, I thought. (Because what else is there to do while you clean?) Then the solution hit me. She needed a list.
Sometimes I'm a little slow on the uptake, ya'll. She'd been telling me she needs a list since the one time I made her one when I needed her to do some things on the weekend and I didn't want her to stop playing to do it right then. She told me last week when she was so proud of herself for filling up her sticker chart at school because she did all of her jobs without being told. She needed a list of jobs at home.
I finished cleaning her room and I made two lists for her and taped them on her bedroom wall. (How do you make a list for a kid that can't read? With pictures. Her lists have the words and the pictures because I intend for them to stay on the wall for a while and she's learning to read.) I didn't say anything to her about them, I just waited until she found them. When she did, I explained that they are her lists of jobs to do each morning when she gets up and each evening before bed. I read them to her so she would know what they said (and be able to translate my pitiful drawing).
The child was so stinking excited about her lists that she has already made me amend them to add additional tasks. The lists have been up for three days now, and life has been so much easier. The room has stayed cleaner, she's getting up without a fight, and getting ready before it's time to leave. While I fully expect that some days will be better than others and sometimes I'll revert back to nagging her through the morning routine, I'm hoping that we can make this a lasting change in our house.
These are Ella's lists.
Morning Jobs
1. Make your bed.
2. Get dressed.
3. Put on your socks and shoes.
4. Use the potty.
5. Brush your hair. (her addition)
Bedtime Jobs
1. Put your shoes in the rack.
2. Put away the Barbies and their stuff.
3. Put away other toys and books.
4. Take your dirty clothes to the laundry room.
5. Pick out your clothes for tomorrow.
6. Take your medicine. (her addition)
7. Brush your teeth and potty. (her addition)
Will it work for Luke? I have no idea, but he is very interested in her lists. He might demand that I make him a list, too.
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