WOHMing

If you aren't familiar with Internet Mommy Jargon, WOHM means "work outside the home mom." There's also WAHM (work at home mom) and SAHM (stay at home mom). There's lots and lots of online discussion, often heated, about the virtues of all three. I'm not interested in debating which is better because I already know what is best for us. I can't say what's best for anyone else.

I shared an article on my Facebook page this week about things you shouldn't say to a working mom (because people make a lot of assumptions). That article and some other discussions I've had recently led me to spend some time thinking about my personal situation and how I got here.

I am a WOHM. I have a full-time job doing something that I genuinely enjoy. I have a work situation that is flexible enough for me to work around the kids' schedules so I can still be at school events and doctors appointments. I'm at a place in my home life where the kids are a little more self-sufficient and generally happy in the evenings.

It wasn't always that way. Going back to work after my maternity leave with Ella was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I did not want to leave her. I missed her with my whole being while I was away from her, and the evenings were rough because she was tired and ready for bed when I got home. For a while, I longed to be a stay-at-home-mom. Then we settled into the routine, and as she got a little older, the evenings got easier. I got busy with work and started enjoying it again. That's when the guilt settled in. I felt like I was supposed to want to be home with her, but I really enjoyed my job and the adult interaction it brought to my days.

Still, throughout my pregnancy with Luke, I tried to figure out a way to have more time at home. I thought I would need it with a second baby, and I thought they would need it. I very nearly quit my job to take a part-time job close to home. Thankfully, that didn't work out. During my maternity leave with Luke, I accepted some truths about myself.

1. I need forced social situations like work and church. I am truly an introvert. I struggle to create my own social situations, but work gives me a place to be social and have adult interaction.

2. I need more balance than being at home all the time gives me. After having a baby attached to my body in some form or fashion for most of the day or meeting the constant noise and needs of kids all day long, I need the time to sit quietly at my desk by myself. This need for alone time is part of the introversion.

3. I need to have something in my life that is my own thing. Part of my preparation for Luke's birth was enrolling Ella in preschool because I wanted her to have an activity that was just for her once he was born. I realized during my second maternity leave that I also need that. It helps me remember that before I was Mommy, I was Amanda. One of these days, they will be grown and living their own lives, and I need to make sure I remember that I am someone other than Mom when that happens.

4. I need to contribute to the family income - for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that preschool and extracurricular activities are important to me, and I couldn't justify those things if I didn't work.

When I went back to work after Luke was born, I went with a better understanding of what I need to be the mom my kids deserve, and I left the guilt behind. I desperately need the balance that working outside of my home brings me. I don't have as much time with them as I would if I stayed home, but I feel like they get a better me in the time I do have with them. I miss them when I'm at work and some mornings it's really hard to leave, but I appreciate the time we have together more because of that. I love weekends and vacations when I get to focus soley on them and Dave, and I love going back to work after those things to have some time for me.

Sometimes it really is hard to juggle everything, especially when the kids were babies, but right now I'm very happy with my work-family situation. The kids are happy, too. They love going to Grandmother's house every day and they love preschool. We've built a village for them and it's working really well.

I work for a lot of reasons, and one of them is simply because it's what I need to be a better mother.