In almost exactly a year’s time, I can finally say that I’ve made peace – with my births, with my body. Not the scar, it’s just a scar, but with the idea that my body turns against me while I’m pregnant, leading to the scar. The scar itself has never really bothered me so much as the message it sends to my children. But do you know what I’ve realized? It’s not a bad message. Sometimes c-sections are necessary. Sometimes, that’s how a baby is supposed to be born. I still want her (them) to understand normal birth, but it’s okay that I had two c-sections. I am not weak or less because I made those decisions, and given all that I’ve learned in the last three years, I’m pretty sure I would make the same decisions again.
Before and immediately after my nephew, Jake, was born, several people inquired into my mental state regarding being present for his very natural birth. I can honestly say that I made peace with my own deliveries before Rebecca went into labor. I knew that I had to. It wouldn’t be fair or helpful to her if I brought that baggage to his birth, and rather than check it at the door, I opted to just unpack it and a put it away. I have two beautiful children; there’s no reason to carry that luggage around with me any longer. Some of it was unpacked here, in the open, but most of it was through reading and watching other births, from many perspectives, including midwives and OBs. I’ve learned more about Gestational Diabetes, more about breech births, more about how others made the same decisions and why.
I did have a brief, wistful moment of heartache as I watched Jake’s head emerge from his mother’s body, but it was gone as quickly as it came. One bit of my c-section experience was useful to Rebecca. I knew that locally injected lidocaine was available to numb the site of her IV (she had a Hep lock), and after a couple of failed attempts to start the line between contractions, the lidocaine made her a lot more comfortable when they tried again on the other arm.
I also had to answer a few of her questions with, “I don’t know; I had a morphine pump” when she asked things like if the cramping would hurt when Jake latched on to nurse the first time. It did. A lot. But, I was able to reassure her that her reaction to the uterine “massage” they do after the birth to check the bleeding was completely appropriate. That hurt like the devil, even with the morphine pump. So, no, she wasn’t overreacting.
Helping them learn to nurse in the days and weeks after he was born humbled me to my core. It was a lot harder than I expected it to be. Trying to help someone physically position themselves and the baby is a lot harder than doing it yourself – like trying to tie a tie on someone else’s neck. I did my best, but I felt like a bumbling idiot. I tried hard not to, but I’m sure I may have driven them nuts with all of my information. It was just another situation where I struggled for balance between being a know it all and providing helpful support. I have cried and worried with her as they’ve found their way, mostly on their own. I also realize that that’s as it should be since it’s her body and her baby and her accomplishment. I’m happy to help her find answers when she needs them and to reassure her when she’s experiencing “normal.” I understand, now, how/why new mothers often give up breastfeeding so early; that for some women, it’s not only not easy, but it’s really hard work. It has not been an easy road for Rebecca and Jake, and I hope that she will share her experience one day for the sake of helping others and giving hope where, as I learned, it can be so desperately needed.
Breastfeeding veterans, I encourage you – regardless of whether your nursing relationship was easy from the first latch or you shed blood, sweat, and tears for every swallow of milk your baby got – to be gentle with new mothers. They not only need support and good information, they need to know they are doing the best they can and that they are doing it well.
Showing posts with label breastfeeding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label breastfeeding. Show all posts
Monday, September 26, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Reason # 231 Why Nursing is Convenient for Me
The Nap ‘n Nurse.
Definition: Me and Luke tucked into bed together, nursing and snuggling through a long, fat nap. (Like, two and half hours long. It’s that good.)
Oh yes, it is one of my favorite things about nursing my babies, the Nap ‘n Nurse. They sleep longer. I sleep longer. They are so cuddly. And, when they are latched on to nurse, even the ringing phone doesn’t wake them (usually). It’s fabulous.
It’s especially fabulous on a Sunday afternoon following a very sketchy Saturday night of “sleep” – you know, one of those nights where there is more waking than sleeping. (If you don’t know, good for you and aren’t you special?)
So ladies, when you decide to nurse your babies, make it a priority to learn how to nurse in the side-lying position. It’s a bit tricky at first, but it’s worth practicing. I promise.
August is Breastfeeding Awareness Month, so I couldn’t let it get by without a post about nursing.
Why else is nursing good for me? I’m glad you asked!
1. It’s readily available whenever I need it. There’s always more, and it doesn’t require any preparation. I don’t have to worry about forgetting the milk, or the bottle, or the bottle liner, or the cup, or the lunch because I’m carrying all that with me all the time.
2. It gives me a perfect reason to sit on my boohonkus. And to nap.
3. It burns 600ish extra calories a day. You know that extra fat you gain around your butt and thighs while you’re pregnant? Yeah, that’s especially designed to store energy for making milk. If you don’t make the milk? I guess you get to keep the butt. (Seriously, this is the smallest my butt has ever been. Ever.)
4. It makes taking care of a sick baby so much easier. Throwing up? Nurse. Stuffy nose? Saline drops, then nurse. It makes the duration of the illness shorter, too.
5. It empowers me.
Why did I choose breastmilk over formula? I’m glad you asked!
1. It’s the best. Hands down, no argument, it’s the thing that was made for feeding human babies. No other milk comes anywhere close. Formula has its place (and it’s place is 4th, after feeding from the breast, pumped milk and donor milk), and I won’t judge you if you choose formula, but I feel so passionately about the healing, perfectness of breastmilk that I will give mine away to other babies that need it. In fact, I feel so passionately about it, that I would probably attempt to relactate if anyone in my immediate family was ever diagnosed with a terminal illness.
That’s it. I was going to make a longer list about all the benefits for me and my babies, but that’s been said better and more officially, so I’ll just leave it at this: Breastmilk is best.
It’s not always easy. In fact, the first few couple of weeks can be very hard, but it’s worth the work to get to the other side.
Here are some resources, in case you are looking for information.
The Many Benefits of Breastfeeding
Getting Started
About Formula
And, as I’ve said before, my go-to resource for questions and troubleshooting: Kellymom.
And, finally, I leave with you with a moment in time. I’m so happy to have this picture. It shows so much: one pair at the beginning of the journey, and working hard to find their way; the other nearing the end of theirs. Nothing makes a baby seem to grow up as fast as another new baby.
Definition: Me and Luke tucked into bed together, nursing and snuggling through a long, fat nap. (Like, two and half hours long. It’s that good.)
Oh yes, it is one of my favorite things about nursing my babies, the Nap ‘n Nurse. They sleep longer. I sleep longer. They are so cuddly. And, when they are latched on to nurse, even the ringing phone doesn’t wake them (usually). It’s fabulous.
It’s especially fabulous on a Sunday afternoon following a very sketchy Saturday night of “sleep” – you know, one of those nights where there is more waking than sleeping. (If you don’t know, good for you and aren’t you special?)
So ladies, when you decide to nurse your babies, make it a priority to learn how to nurse in the side-lying position. It’s a bit tricky at first, but it’s worth practicing. I promise.
August is Breastfeeding Awareness Month, so I couldn’t let it get by without a post about nursing.
Why else is nursing good for me? I’m glad you asked!
1. It’s readily available whenever I need it. There’s always more, and it doesn’t require any preparation. I don’t have to worry about forgetting the milk, or the bottle, or the bottle liner, or the cup, or the lunch because I’m carrying all that with me all the time.
2. It gives me a perfect reason to sit on my boohonkus. And to nap.
3. It burns 600ish extra calories a day. You know that extra fat you gain around your butt and thighs while you’re pregnant? Yeah, that’s especially designed to store energy for making milk. If you don’t make the milk? I guess you get to keep the butt. (Seriously, this is the smallest my butt has ever been. Ever.)
4. It makes taking care of a sick baby so much easier. Throwing up? Nurse. Stuffy nose? Saline drops, then nurse. It makes the duration of the illness shorter, too.
5. It empowers me.
Why did I choose breastmilk over formula? I’m glad you asked!
1. It’s the best. Hands down, no argument, it’s the thing that was made for feeding human babies. No other milk comes anywhere close. Formula has its place (and it’s place is 4th, after feeding from the breast, pumped milk and donor milk), and I won’t judge you if you choose formula, but I feel so passionately about the healing, perfectness of breastmilk that I will give mine away to other babies that need it. In fact, I feel so passionately about it, that I would probably attempt to relactate if anyone in my immediate family was ever diagnosed with a terminal illness.
That’s it. I was going to make a longer list about all the benefits for me and my babies, but that’s been said better and more officially, so I’ll just leave it at this: Breastmilk is best.
It’s not always easy. In fact, the first few couple of weeks can be very hard, but it’s worth the work to get to the other side.
Here are some resources, in case you are looking for information.
The Many Benefits of Breastfeeding
Getting Started
About Formula
And, as I’ve said before, my go-to resource for questions and troubleshooting: Kellymom.
And, finally, I leave with you with a moment in time. I’m so happy to have this picture. It shows so much: one pair at the beginning of the journey, and working hard to find their way; the other nearing the end of theirs. Nothing makes a baby seem to grow up as fast as another new baby.
 |
| Rebecca and Jake (5 days), Me and Luke (12 months), nursing our babies |
Friday, May 27, 2011
A New Stack of Books
The Amazon Fairy (deliverer of Amazon.com orders, not an oversized fairy) left a new stack of books on my front porch this week, and I’m itchin’ to tear into them. BUT, I’m already in the middle of two books so I really need to finish one of them first.
I’m nearing the end of Playful Parenting, by Lawrence J. Cohen, which discusses how children learn and process their world through play. After watching Ella, and now Luke, play through their worlds since birth, this isn’t news to me, but it is very insightful and it offers a lot of good ideas for using play to connect with children and overcome troubling behaviors, power struggles, etc. It also explains a lot of psychology behind how children think and why they behave in certain ways. I read one of the most enlightening passages just this morning. It made me say, “Yes! This!” (And, then I marked it in pen with an exclamation point and folded the page a la 12th grade English class.)
The new stack is the beginning of a library of resources that includes the following titles.
The Doula Book: How a Trained Labor Companion Can Help You Have A Shorter, Easier, And Healthier Birth, by Marshall H. Klaus, et al
The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers: The Most Comprehensive Problem-Solving Guide to Breastfeeding from the Foremost Expert in North America, by Jack Newman M.D. and Teresa Pitman
Gentle Birth Choices, by Barbara Harper and Suzanne Arms
Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn (4th Edition): The Complete Guide, by Penny Simkin, et al
I’ll start with The Doula Book, reading with pen in hand, and decide where to go from there. My sister and brother-in-law, Nathan, are giving me the honor of attending the birth of my nephew as a support person, so I’m doing what I always do – reading everything I can get my hands on about the topic.
I didn’t hire a doula for either of my deliveries but as I read more about the role of a doula, I realize that I was surrounded with them. Both of my mothers and my sister were around me in the days and weeks following my children’s births, helping me and Dave with whatever things needed doing. Even my sister-in-law, Jessica, unexpectedly stepped into the role when she ended up alone with me in my hospital room the night Luke was born. And thank God for her, because I don’t know what I would have done if I’d been completely alone in the room, holding my baby skin-to-skin, unable to bend at the middle, when that first horrible wave of nausea hit me. Her presence alone helped me breathe through it so as not to vomit on my newborn or rip out my fresh stitching, but she was standing ready with a cold rag and a bowl for me to puke in – not blinking an eye. Bless her. I love that woman.
I’m so excited to step into the same role for my sister. In addition to plain old help with whatever needs doing, I want to be educated enough to help her and Nathan make decisions regarding their care during the birth and weeks following. I also want to be able to help her troubleshoot any issues that might come up in her nursing relationship with Jake because I know that is really important to her.
I am passionate about birth and breastfeeding, mothers and babies, and I’m so excited about the opportunity to put my passion and my knowledge to work.
I’m nearing the end of Playful Parenting, by Lawrence J. Cohen, which discusses how children learn and process their world through play. After watching Ella, and now Luke, play through their worlds since birth, this isn’t news to me, but it is very insightful and it offers a lot of good ideas for using play to connect with children and overcome troubling behaviors, power struggles, etc. It also explains a lot of psychology behind how children think and why they behave in certain ways. I read one of the most enlightening passages just this morning. It made me say, “Yes! This!” (And, then I marked it in pen with an exclamation point and folded the page a la 12th grade English class.)
“Oddly, even though children demand so much attention from us, they often tune us out when we finally put everything else aside and get on the floor to play with them. This can be confusing and even annoying, but it actually makes perfect sense. They are feeling locked away in the tower of isolation. And they are a bit mad at us for that. When we give them our full attention, they show us what’s going on in their hearts. They don’t say it in words, they say it in play, by pretending we don’t exist or don’t matter. When we were busy, they felt as if they didn’t matter to us. So don’t give up or walk away; be persistent. Our job is to take the initiative and push (gently) for a connection.”
This particular passage is in the context of taking the lead in play with children, and it was an epiphany for me because it’s one of the most frustrating things about my daughter during times when we are clashing – or disconnected, as the case may be. “Tower of isolation” is a term he uses throughout the book to describe the emotional place a child gets into when he is disconnected from parents/caregivers. It’s an easy read, and I’d like to finish it before I switch topics all together with my new stack. I also have one other parenting book that I haven’t started (Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, by Naomi Aldort), but I’m putting it on hold for the present.
The new stack is the beginning of a library of resources that includes the following titles.
The Doula Book: How a Trained Labor Companion Can Help You Have A Shorter, Easier, And Healthier Birth, by Marshall H. Klaus, et al
The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers: The Most Comprehensive Problem-Solving Guide to Breastfeeding from the Foremost Expert in North America, by Jack Newman M.D. and Teresa Pitman
Gentle Birth Choices, by Barbara Harper and Suzanne Arms
Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn (4th Edition): The Complete Guide, by Penny Simkin, et al
I’ll start with The Doula Book, reading with pen in hand, and decide where to go from there. My sister and brother-in-law, Nathan, are giving me the honor of attending the birth of my nephew as a support person, so I’m doing what I always do – reading everything I can get my hands on about the topic.
I didn’t hire a doula for either of my deliveries but as I read more about the role of a doula, I realize that I was surrounded with them. Both of my mothers and my sister were around me in the days and weeks following my children’s births, helping me and Dave with whatever things needed doing. Even my sister-in-law, Jessica, unexpectedly stepped into the role when she ended up alone with me in my hospital room the night Luke was born. And thank God for her, because I don’t know what I would have done if I’d been completely alone in the room, holding my baby skin-to-skin, unable to bend at the middle, when that first horrible wave of nausea hit me. Her presence alone helped me breathe through it so as not to vomit on my newborn or rip out my fresh stitching, but she was standing ready with a cold rag and a bowl for me to puke in – not blinking an eye. Bless her. I love that woman.
I’m so excited to step into the same role for my sister. In addition to plain old help with whatever needs doing, I want to be educated enough to help her and Nathan make decisions regarding their care during the birth and weeks following. I also want to be able to help her troubleshoot any issues that might come up in her nursing relationship with Jake because I know that is really important to her.
I am passionate about birth and breastfeeding, mothers and babies, and I’m so excited about the opportunity to put my passion and my knowledge to work.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
A Lesson in Human Indecisiveness
The lesson? Humans are indecisive from birth.
The proof? A highly scientific, impromptu experiment conducted last night at bedtime.
Let me set the scene.
Ella and Luke were both very tired after bath. Generally, I nurse Luke and put him to bed before I settle into Ella's bed to read to her. Last night, she was ready for books as soon as she got her nightgown on, so I just brought Luke (and his pillow pet and The Magic Blanket) to her bed to nurse while I read. She was lying on her pillow with Panda and Court Dog and their assorted blankets tucked in beside her. I was sitting next to her with Luke lying on the pillow pet, wrapped in his blanket, nursing.
I opened the first book, which happened to be Llama Llama Red Pajama, and started to read. He popped off and looked at the pictures while I read. As I paused before turning the page, he latched back on. When I turned the page, he popped off again and looked/listened while I read. As I paused before turning the next page, he latched back on. He was doing it so consistently that I made Dave stay to watch a full cycle of latch on, turn page, pop off, read, latch on, turn page, pop off. We read the entire book that way. Thankfully, he was too tired to continue like that through the next two books because he was driving me nuts.
As I write this, I wonder, was he really indecisive? Perhaps he just decided to multi-task. One thing's for sure, he is a fan of Llama Llama.
The proof? A highly scientific, impromptu experiment conducted last night at bedtime.
Let me set the scene.
Ella and Luke were both very tired after bath. Generally, I nurse Luke and put him to bed before I settle into Ella's bed to read to her. Last night, she was ready for books as soon as she got her nightgown on, so I just brought Luke (and his pillow pet and The Magic Blanket) to her bed to nurse while I read. She was lying on her pillow with Panda and Court Dog and their assorted blankets tucked in beside her. I was sitting next to her with Luke lying on the pillow pet, wrapped in his blanket, nursing.
I opened the first book, which happened to be Llama Llama Red Pajama, and started to read. He popped off and looked at the pictures while I read. As I paused before turning the page, he latched back on. When I turned the page, he popped off again and looked/listened while I read. As I paused before turning the next page, he latched back on. He was doing it so consistently that I made Dave stay to watch a full cycle of latch on, turn page, pop off, read, latch on, turn page, pop off. We read the entire book that way. Thankfully, he was too tired to continue like that through the next two books because he was driving me nuts.
As I write this, I wonder, was he really indecisive? Perhaps he just decided to multi-task. One thing's for sure, he is a fan of Llama Llama.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Which is more obvious?
Scenario 1
A mother sits in a booth at a restaurant. Her baby is crying, but she cuddles him in her arms to quiet him while her preschooler sits beside her, chatting with her and the infant. The waitress greets them and takes their drink order.
Scenario 2
A mother sits in a booth at a restaurant. Her baby is crying, but she cuddles him in her arms to quiet him while her preschooler sits beside her, chatting with her and the infant. The waitress greets them and takes their drink order while making a large production of unrolling a set of silverware from the napkin, shaking out the napkin, and reaching around mom's back to drape the napkin over her and baby.
In both scenarios, mom is nursing the baby and has been from the moment she sat down.
This happened to me on a recent family outing. I was completely taken by surprise to have my personal space invaded as a perfect stranger took it upon herself to drape a napkin over my child's head while he nursed. I, of course, immediately removed the napkin from his head because he isn't accustomed to dining with his head covered and it was in our way. I was already managing a preschooler's hands, a menu, and a baby - a nursing cover was just added frustration.
If you were the family sitting diagonal from our booth, you might have noticed I was nursing if you happened to be paying attention when I adjusted my clothing to latch him on. Otherwise, it just looked like I was holding my baby. Until there was a napkin over my shoulder.
Now, should you choose to nurse under a blanket or nursing cover, that's completely up to you. Good luck keeping that cover on when you reach the point of The Distractible Nursling - and I do hope you nurse that long and longer. But, if you are trying to be discreet and not draw attention to your nursing self, you should know that nothing screams NURSING MOTHER louder than a blanket over your baby's head.
However you choose to do it, I hope you will nurse in public because the more people do it, the more normal the practice will become in this society. I also hope you know that most states, including mine, protect your right to feed your baby anywhere you are allowed to be.
So, why did I get covered with a napkin? I don't know. I'm guessing it made the waitress uncomfortable when she realized what I was doing. Or maybe she is a very modest person and thought I would appreciate being covered, though I don't know how you reach that conclusion about someone who makes no bones about latching on a baby while placing a drink order. I like to think it isn't the restaurant's policy to cover nursing mothers with napkins. That thought kept me from raising the ruckus that I felt brewing inside me as I stewed over having my personal space invaded and my baby's head covered. It was a nasty brew. One of indignation and violation. One that left me feeling quite pissy until the food came, and still leaves a bad taste in my mouth regardless of the good food. I probably should have spoken to the manager, but I didn't. For that reason, we will go back to that restaurant and give it another try.
A mother sits in a booth at a restaurant. Her baby is crying, but she cuddles him in her arms to quiet him while her preschooler sits beside her, chatting with her and the infant. The waitress greets them and takes their drink order.
Scenario 2
A mother sits in a booth at a restaurant. Her baby is crying, but she cuddles him in her arms to quiet him while her preschooler sits beside her, chatting with her and the infant. The waitress greets them and takes their drink order while making a large production of unrolling a set of silverware from the napkin, shaking out the napkin, and reaching around mom's back to drape the napkin over her and baby.
In both scenarios, mom is nursing the baby and has been from the moment she sat down.
This happened to me on a recent family outing. I was completely taken by surprise to have my personal space invaded as a perfect stranger took it upon herself to drape a napkin over my child's head while he nursed. I, of course, immediately removed the napkin from his head because he isn't accustomed to dining with his head covered and it was in our way. I was already managing a preschooler's hands, a menu, and a baby - a nursing cover was just added frustration.
If you were the family sitting diagonal from our booth, you might have noticed I was nursing if you happened to be paying attention when I adjusted my clothing to latch him on. Otherwise, it just looked like I was holding my baby. Until there was a napkin over my shoulder.
Now, should you choose to nurse under a blanket or nursing cover, that's completely up to you. Good luck keeping that cover on when you reach the point of The Distractible Nursling - and I do hope you nurse that long and longer. But, if you are trying to be discreet and not draw attention to your nursing self, you should know that nothing screams NURSING MOTHER louder than a blanket over your baby's head.
However you choose to do it, I hope you will nurse in public because the more people do it, the more normal the practice will become in this society. I also hope you know that most states, including mine, protect your right to feed your baby anywhere you are allowed to be.
So, why did I get covered with a napkin? I don't know. I'm guessing it made the waitress uncomfortable when she realized what I was doing. Or maybe she is a very modest person and thought I would appreciate being covered, though I don't know how you reach that conclusion about someone who makes no bones about latching on a baby while placing a drink order. I like to think it isn't the restaurant's policy to cover nursing mothers with napkins. That thought kept me from raising the ruckus that I felt brewing inside me as I stewed over having my personal space invaded and my baby's head covered. It was a nasty brew. One of indignation and violation. One that left me feeling quite pissy until the food came, and still leaves a bad taste in my mouth regardless of the good food. I probably should have spoken to the manager, but I didn't. For that reason, we will go back to that restaurant and give it another try.
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